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Monday, August 7th, 2006
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2:30 pm
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you know, this is to all of you who are to busy to be my friend, my life is not easy, and to my friends who are always there through th ewind and the rain thank you. you know to those that are to busy to call me back, or return an email, or ask how my day was, or ask why a job fell through and not give me the i told you so's.
how long does it take to return an email. how long does it take to call someone back, even if you are preoccupied and unable to hang out... dont just not call me back. i have shit i am going through and sometimes i just need a friend.
like a few weeks ago all hell broke lose and i didnt think i had anyone to call besides liana who lives an hour away, and i could have gone there in a second, but didnt have the gas or the gas money.
sometimes people treat me like shit and i am sick of it
i am sick of being walked on and spit on and just treated like shit, so if you treat me liek shit i will tell you. by the way, in case you can not tell, today is one of those bad days, and no i dont wanna kill my self,. i am not suicidal jsut unhappym, pissed off nad just royally ready to smack someone
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, July 31st, 2006
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7:18 pm - newest poem
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True Friends
True Friends,
Listen when no one else does
They are the one’s who stay behind
When the rest of the world walks away
True friends
Are your eyes when the world blinds you
They are your voice when you forget how to speak
True friends sing to you when you have forgotten the words
True friends are rare
They are one of a kind
Precious gemstones
That are so hard to come by
True friends loan you their wings
And teach you how to fly
When you don’t remember how
They are a shoulder to lean on
When the worlds got you down
They are there when you cry,
wipe the tears from your eyes,
they are always on your side
True friends are supportive
Their friendship is like gold
True friends are forever
Nothing can ever compare
To those friends
Who are your guardian angels
Your soulmates
Your friends
True friends are there
Til the end of time
Even death can not separate
This union of souls
For these souls will always be one
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 19th, 2006
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11:00 am
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Well, I can hardly believe this but Dana graduatied from riverview yesterday. . Her prom was saturday,. and did she look gorgeous or what. i can not wait to show you guys all the pics.....Her dress was pink, floral, and risque, but boy did she look hot. her ceremony for graduation is great, they have a lot of tradions like, the kids will go off the stage and present their diploma to their family, and at the end during recession, will walk ut with their parents by hteir side. dana asked me to escort her with dad, cuz she said i have been like a mom to her. they always have theme songs, fro the dipolma presentation , it was monica, fpr you i will, and the recession is no and forever. they came into the tent, well came uinto line up, from their favorite spots all over camous, to 100 years. ir is so great the way they do it, but boy did i bawl.
congrats to dana i am so proud of you
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| Thursday, June 15th, 2006
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12:46 pm
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So i have made a decision. I am going to keep up on this lovely invention of keeping your friends updated. And on onlien journal is really a great invention. I love that i use it so often. I juast wanna thank my friends, cuz honestly this has been an amazing summer, and t really hasnt even started yet. I mean, ya, i have some bad shit going on, but i have a lot of good shit going on as well, and it almost, outweighs the bad. Between the conerts i am going to, jewel, and rob thomas together was great, and the easrfest with all the girls, It was great.
Maybe there are more concerts to attend. I know that counting crows and goo goo dolls are coming to the tweeter center, though i have to get a job in order first, but seriously how amazing woudl that be. Pretty damn amazing. oh and guys, lets keep up on the hatchshell concerts, if anything good is going on, cuz those are free, and free is good.
and more boston trips, too. ya i am adding money things rihgt now, but i know everything will work out, and i have added nanny agencies otr my list, and still waiting on the family with the 2 little girls right in easton, thought he still doesnt knwo the schdeul thogh he did when we had the interview. now the girls might be signing up for the y,,,, eww the y... chills
anyways......i love my friends, and now that they arent telling me how i should not feel, it is even better. lol... i knwo you guys just look out for me, and i love you for it. my girls, you know what i am talking about.
oh and so the otehr day i got a tvoice mail, from a friend, who was liek i get to go to six flags, gfor my job, i get to binrg my guy, ahah, my job is better then yours. and it totally rubbed me the wrong way and really pissed me off, she knows i am looking for a new job, and knows i am not happy with the one i have, so is it me, or was that really rude and selfish of her. i am sure some of you prolly already know who it is, she isnt on here, otherwise i woudl feel bad about saying this..... i texted her too and was like ya i guess your job is better... along those lines, she called me back again, i didnt answer, i dont think she even getx it.
o well, iam not really mad about the situation anymore, it jsut kind of aggravted me, but no wonderr why most of her friends are guys.....
anyways... i am of fnow, and will keep up at updating this thing. loveyou
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9:19 am
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Dana graduates this weekend. Holy shit. I still consider her my baby sister. Her prom is saturday. She is going to look absolutley stunning. My dad sure spent an arm and a leg for her dress, which is absolutley gorgeous and one of a kind. She is going with her friend kyle, but dana nad her friends that are guys, are normally not just friends for very long lol,. unless they already dated. Lol. I guess the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.
Liana is also coming this weekend, she is coming on saturday and we are all getting dana ready fro the prom. The graduation is the next day. I am so incrediably proud of her. It has taken so much to get where she is. I wish only good things for her.
I washed my car yesterday, top to bottom. INside nad out. And of course the next day, Rains. Well the inside is still so clean. Hopefully i will keep it up. because my car was gross. i had dust bunnies on my dash the size of texas. it was nasty.
Well latta loves
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| Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
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5:32 pm
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So I will definitely have to keep up on updating you guys on the current soap opera that is my life. Naw, seriously things are good right now, leaving out the job worries. I had an amazing weekend this past weekend. On friday liana and I, went to go see the Jewel and Rob Thomas show at the Pavillion. It was good. Jewel is absolutely amazing live. We had bad seats, the uncovered seats, but they were tables, and we had waiters come around, ladies any drinks....it was a blast. I slept at lianas friday, and saturday heather came over, and the three of use hung out saturday afternoon, saturday night we drank fruity cheap wine and played scrabble, and no we were not drunk, thought liana was a bit tipsy from the wine.
Bruce called and invited me to Joe's, of course cuz i was not actually able to go, thats ok. sunday we went ot see the Omen, jon came too as did erica and her boyfriend joe. The Omen was pretty good. Pretty funny when the entire theater would jumpo out of their seats. I forgot how much fun we all have when we are all together. I always remember how snuggling with bruce and holding hands with him feels, Ya i am a losa and little things liek that excite me. Haha well exite may not be the right word.
I went to a bunch of websites that i was on and changed the what i was lookign for from serious relationships to friendship, cuz i know now, i dont only thinkg i know, but i know it is bruce. I am not gonna be scared anymore, and i am just gonna jump in. Because i am not scared anymore, because maybe i see how he looks at me.
i miss him when he isnt around. I miss him now and i only saw him like an hour agom, when i went t ovisit him at tedescis and i was there like an hour. God. Ya i will shut up now
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5:27 pm - My two latest poems
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Perfect Love
Is there such a thing as perfect love?
A love that is perfect in every way?
Perect does not exist
Nothing in life can ever be perfect
But
Love
Can be
There is that one perfect person for you
The one who makes you smile when you are at your lowest
The one who makes you laugh when you didn’t have it in you
The one who dries your eyes,
The love that gives you hope
Comfort
And peace
The love that makes everything okay
The love that takes your breath away
There is that one love
That is so soft and so sensual
That love that is so complete and fulfilling that it seems almost
Impossible
That it is out there
But it is
You look and you look and you think you will never find it
And then’
You open you eyes
And everything seems clear
You see that person, you have known for years
In a different light
You see your history not as mistakes,
And not as what could have happened
But you see the moments
And the memories
The times shared
The times he has made you smile
He has been there all along
As perfect
And you finally realize it isn’t a passing phase
Or a short term craze
You realize that perfect does exist
Perfect is late night drives and holding hands
Walking down the beach, feet in the sand
It is watching movies on the couch
Holding hands
Eating ice cream before it melts
It is fighting and bickering
Passion and makeups
Perfect love, does not come with out breakups
It is chaos and hell
But heaven on Earth, cant you tell
Perfect love isn’t perfect
But it is perfection in the art
It is remembering the good times
It is remembering the moments
Perfect love is out there
It is right here
It has always been right here
Now that I have found it
I don’t want to let it go
I want to hold on
For as long as I can
For eternity
Perfect loves holds not just the past
but the future too
perfect love is
destiny
HOw are Fingers Fit
How our fingers fit
You fingers intertwine with mine
As your wrap your hand around mine
I feel so safe in your arms
I hate it when you aren’t around
I miss you when you are not here
No matter when I last saw you,
Five minutes, or five days
Distance makes the heart grow fonder
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| Thursday, May 11th, 2006
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10:29 am
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I finish finals today, one more presentation to go. It is funny how fast this semester has flown, and now i am at my wits end, and so burnt out. i am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed, and not having to worry about classes and exams for a while. though i have my mtels on saaturday which is a big one too... grr. and next semester relies on it, i need ot learn to not procrastinate at all, i have gotten alot better but still a long way to go. thanks to the crew for all you guys have done this semester, amanda, craig, and ian, good times at bsc, nani you kno you are the best, i love you girl, amanda you have been a good roomie, thanks fo rnot making me live with a certain girl we both know, LOL just kidding, but seriously imagine how different our lives cold be. thanks to the suitemates for the fun times, guy i love you and it has been a great year, thanks for everything
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| Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
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1:05 pm
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i have decided to update this son of a bitch.. that normally I do not even look at....Springfest Week has begun.. not band this year, no well known popular band, they are having a lovely music fest with local bands, but I might boycott...or invite bruce.....i am going to earthfest...with james blunt, los lonely boys, the fry and more..hehe...may 27th girls day....
no news on the job front though i starting sitting for rayna, it will be like every other sat type thing...and a weekend once and a while...11 an hour....and then i am talking to this mom in canton who needs someone liek july 6-aug 18th and i have a interview wiht her...seh pays 14 an hour, has three boys, older 11 twins and 14, anad the 14 year old cna be alone, as the other 2 one at a time, if i was taking hte boys local....40 hours a week, and then i am talking ot my neighbor mnargie who needs someone for next fall, 10 an hour, she has three boys too, but she only needs somoen mon thru thur, though i could find another job for just fri or something....
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, February 20th, 2006
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8:14 pm
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How to use the word "Shit"
Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.
You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck, or have shit for brains.
With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.
You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit your life away.
People can be shit headed, shit brained, shit blinded, and shit over.
Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits.
There is bull shit, and horse shit and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can take a shit, give a shit, or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don't want any shit at all.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!
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8:06 pm
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Lyrics
FEEL BETTER
She said, I'll feel stranded
And I can't tell anymore
If I'm coming or I'm going
It's not how I planned it
I've got a key to the door
But it just won't open
And I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
But I don't, I don't, I don't
Cause it never worked before
But this time, this time
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
Chorus
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through
The haze around me
And I'll do anything to just feel better
I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I'll do anything to just feel better
Any little thing to just feel better
She said I need you to hold me
I'm a little far from the shore
And I'm afraid of sinking
You're the only one who knows me
And who doesn't ignore,
That my soul is leaking
And I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
Everything must have its season
Around, around it goes
Everyday's the one before
But this time, this time,
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better
chorus repeat
bridge
I'm tired of holding on
To all the things I oughta leave behind
It's really getting old and
I think I need a little help this time
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(comment on this)
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8:04 pm
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Lyrics
I’m Feeling You
Verse 1:
Sometimes I imagine my world without you
But most times I’m just so happy that I ever found you
It’s a complicated web
That you weave inside my head
So much pleasure
With so much pain
Hope we always always stay the same
CHORUS
I’m feeling the way you cross my mind and you save me in the nick of time
I’m riding the highs, I’m digging the lows cause at least I feel alive
I’ve never faced
So many emotional days
But my life is good
I’m feeling you
Verse 2:
You go and then I can finally breathe in
Cause baby I know in the end you’re never leaving
We’re rarely ever sane
I drive u crazy and u do the same
But your fire fills my soul
And it warms me up like no one knows
CHORUS
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8:03 pm
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i love this song,.......james blunt... i want to hear the original..
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high, [ - video/radio edited version]
Fucking high, [ - CD version]
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you
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7:47 pm
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So this weekend was a blast.... liana came up on sunday, and left today, on sunday night, the girls and I made some dinner, and maggie came and joined, and we chatted about the boys and we went to shea durgin and watched the sisterhood, now i can not say i have never been into the freshman dorms....i saw someone i graduated HS with when we were going to maggies dorm, she was visiting olga... on satuday we followed through with the new tradition of visiting Olga when she SSOs, craig was not there, but it was amanda and me, and olga was coloring marias hair... so we talked about books and movies, and somehow talked about how men cannot find it..... hey i found nemo, just keep swimming, i will never look at finding nemo the same way......omg.....so in the midst of my crazy weekend i didnt talk to bruce at all... i miss my brucie.. hehe... ya i am a dork.....well i will talk to you all latta... and yay i actually have had now 2 entries in like a week... well love you all..... toodles
quoi? just keep swimming.....ya wicked cool
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7:45 pm
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Body: THE 90's
Anybody under the age of 16 should not repost this. ;D Just 'cuz you were born in '92 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons.
You know you're a 90's kid if...
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air"
You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.
You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
You ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide
You wore socks over leggings scrunched down
" Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE"
he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stumbed he's toe oe oe and thats the end end end of the elephants show ow ow
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players
You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare"
You remember Alf, the little brown alien from Melmac and Vicki the Robot from "MY Little Wonder"
You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool
You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"
You played and or collected "Pogs"
You used to pretend to be a MIGHTY MORPHIN Power Ranger and you owned a Skip It
You had at least one GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere
You watched the original Care Bears, and Ninja Turtles
Yikes pencils and erasers were the shit.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out.
You remember a time before the WB.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You thought it would be so cool to be Alex Mack.
You know the Macarena by heart.. LOL
" Talk to the hand" ... enough said
You thought Brain woud finally take over the world
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
Pegging your pants
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| Friday, February 17th, 2006
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7:28 pm
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i am looking forward to just relaxing this weekend, right now i am tired, and just anticipating just doing absolutely nothing tongiht. The end of the week, is never close enough, as much as I enjoy my classes, and like my job, I still like to have some down time. So, tongiht the plan, is to jsut lie in bed and watch a movie, or even read a book, I havent been able to jsut read a book in a long time, I am always so tired at night and what not. I hope everything is great for everyone.
I have decided I will try and update more often, so now you get 2 entries in a day, which is not neccessarily a record for me, btu it is up there, since most of the time i have more then one entry, the editions are poems or little tests I found on blogs.
well, happy friday
current mood:  sad
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12:27 pm - hmmm
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I know, it has been quite a while since I have updated my livejournal, but I was sitting at my desk, and thinking "i think I will update my journal now," so i sat down and starting writing. My classes are going great, they are hard but they are interesting and different. i am taking behavior analysis, psych of criminal behavior, research methods in psych, environmental geology and perspectives on the Holovaust.
There are no new guys in my life currently, just the old one i keep coming back too, and we have been through alot and lately things are really good between us, I mean it isnt a romantic relationship right now, but when i am around him, ijsut cant help smiling, and i think he is one of the best guys in my life. i love being around him. I liek the fact that we have this history, i used to not like that he knew me so well, but now it is comforting, i thiknk finally i am not so scared. i just feel so safe with him. and the thing with a certain playa, i am done with that. becases i deserve to be more then some guys booty call. so from now on, i wont fuck around and i wont put myself in a situation becasue i think i cant get anythign better. i dont deserve to settle, i deserve it all. I can wait fro that certain guy, becasue i know in my heart i have to be with him, so i can wait until he is ready, he is going through some stuff rirght now, so my telling him that i am completley in love with him rihgt now would be selfish, but soon, i might jsut have to tell him, jsut simply that i love him.
i know some of you knwo who i am talking to right off that bat, and some of you are probably thinking, not again, but i know he isnt perfect, but he makes me happy nad he is kind to me, and though he hasnt alwyas been there in the past, the way i wanted, i know, that i can always count on him.
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| Sunday, November 27th, 2005
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3:54 pm
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I cant believe it has been so long since i have updated. well all is well, dana turns 21 in a like 2 weeks, Thanksgiving was thur, i cant believe how fast this semester is going. so much has happned but at the same time, so much hasnt happened... me and josh are doing the friends thing, and it is actually successful. bruce and i are actually friends, and things are good, he called me thanksguiving morning, jsut to say happy turkey day. we have been getting along so well, i think we are finally past all the shit... well ill talk to you all later
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| Friday, November 4th, 2005
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6:34 pm
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Found it on myspace and it looked like fun
>List 20 people you can think right off the top of your head--- don’t read the questions underneath 'til you think of those 20 people!
People:
1. Amanda
2. Dana
3. Liana
4. Craig
5. Bruce
6. John marvel
7. Jon ma
8. Merry
9. Dori
10. Ian
11. Amy carver
12. Amy j
13. Meryn
14. Laura H
15. Jimmy
16. Ed
17. Josh
18. Mike c
19. Anjali
20. Kait
Now answer according to the names listed.
QUESTIONS:
1. How did you meet # 13? She's one of my suitemates
2. What would you do if you had never met 5? It would be an incomplete me, because even though we are finally at a point where we are just friends. He completes me. And I think part of that, is me finally coming to the realization it would never work romantically. So we are finally just friends
3. what do you honestly think of 10? I don't really know him that well, but he went to my high school and is good friends with my buddy Craig.
4. Would or did 19 and 8 date? I don't think so. For one thing, they are both very straight girls.
5. Did you ever like 4? Not in THAT way lol, but he is like my brother and I know him way to well. Though he is the nicest guy I know.
6. Would you ever go out with number 1? Not so much, no. lol but we did put on our facebook profiles that we're married. haha love my roomie :-D
7. Would 2 and 11 make a good couple? Well... no. because they're both straight girls.
8. Describe 7 in four words: my cool Asian buddy
9. Do you think 12 is hot? well... not like that...because I don't judge other women's hotness lol.
10. Would 1 and 17 make a lovely couple? haha no, because my roomie dating my ex bf, is just not right
11. Tell me something humiliating about 16? umm... dont really kno anything
12. Do you know any of 3's family members? yep. Her entire family, cousins, immediate, etc,,…… yada yada yay
13. What's 20's favorite colors? Prolly pink or some shit
14. On a scale 1-10, how cute is he/she? who? number 14? again, I don't judge other women's hotness. but I think she's pretty :o)
15. What would you do if 1 just confessed his/her love to you? I would laugh, because we both say it all the time as a joke. She'd probably say that she likes me........ A LOT. :-p haha, never gets old
16. What language does 19 speak? other than English, I don't know
17. Who is 8 going out with? She is single and good looking,, hehe merry
19. Would 18 and 10 make a good couple? not so much, no.
20. What grade is 15 in? he is kinda 26 and has his associates, do they make grades after that
21. When was the last time you talked to 12? talked to her like yesterday maybe, even though we are suitemates we really don’t talk
22. What is 2's favorite band? Green day
23. Does 9 have any siblings? No not by blood, but she is my substitute baby sister……
24. Would you ever date 8? Prolly not since she is a girl, and I am straight…. I love you merry but not like that
25. Would you ever date 15? If he wasn’t a commitment phobe ya, I mean we have hooked up already, hehe, no comment
26: Is 11 single? not really sure
27. Would 6 and 14 make a good couple? I don't know. I don't really see it.. But maybe.
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| Monday, October 24th, 2005
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11:26 pm
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Dedicated to Jackie Nilsson, who was killed by a drunk driver outside of Julios bar in bridgewater, Massachusetts...........
A life forever changed
Those who chose to drink and dive
Are so bound to ruin lives
They drink their beer
And do as we fear
When they get behind the wheel of their car
They turn the key and start it up
And put it into gear
They drive away
In a haze
About to make a deadly mistake
They hit a wall
Or so it sounds
As a body flies through the air
And hits the ground
Lying there blood surrounds
People gather all around
And watch this young girl die
A life has been taken
As so many lives are forever changed
Because of those who drink and drive
They made a mistake
One that’s fatal
They just took a life
A life has been forever changed,
But not just one
A tragedy like this affects us all
A tragedy like this makes us think
Nothing will ever be the same
Those who choose to drink and drive
Are bound to ruin lives
The tragedy they cause
Are forever bound to stay in our hearts
So please don’t do it
Don’t drink and drive
You might just take someone’s life,
And you will have to live with it for the rest of your life
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bluefaeryangel's journal